How to Resolve the Drama at Work

What is Conflict Management?
Conflict Management is a fancy word consultants use to give meaning to your drama in the office. We don’t live in a utopian society; therefore conflict will always exist, especially at work. Most of us spend more time running around the office surrounded by dozens of personalities. It’s inevitable conflict will arise in the office, but what do you do about it? How do you handle it?
Conflicts appear in different forms. A lot of the time we’re trying to manage our self-awareness and biases. When someone doesn’t believe the same thing YOU believe, we go into defense mode or create a resistance towards that person. When working in a team environment, this type of “internal” conflict will damage the team dynamics if not resolved. The team will eventually dismantle and no one will know why, or like most instances, point fingers. 

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​Before diving into resolving conflict, you must take the baby steps. First, you need to learn about YOUR style for handling conflict.
 
Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument
The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument is the guru assessment for figuring out your most natural method to manage conflict. The assessment gives you insight into your style of conflict resolution and the best uses for each style. There is no “right” style, but there’s a time and a place to use each style productively and efficiently.
 
Assertiveness vs. Cooperativeness:
Take a moment and consider the disagreements and misunderstandings that have occurred at work. What actions, procedures and processes were taken to resolve the problem? What about the situation was comfortable to you? What was uncomfortable? Do you think your actions were leaning towards Assertiveness or Cooperativeness?
 
Your conflict engagement (or lack of engagement) is divided into two opposing sides. Assertiveness and Cooperativeness; depending on where you land on that scale, you will be able to gain a better understanding of your style and approach to conflict.  

5 Conflict Styles

​How to Manage Conflict in the workplace: After completing your baby steps to learn more about YOUR style, let’s practice.
 
Depending on your “go to” method of managing conflict will influence your management style. Learning more about each style will increase your awareness and ability to change your style based on the relationship and issue at stake. Most of us have a style we feel most comfortable using, so when a conflict arises, we will immediately lean into that one style. This could cause damages on so many levels if the situation does not call for that style. 
 

5 Key Skills to Managing the Drama at Work:

1. Get a grip! Begin to practice self-awareness and self-management.

• How are you feeling in the conflict? Pay attention to those feelings and emotions.
• Ask yourself: Why? Why are you feeling this way?
• Pay attention to your triggers and find space to be mindful of what you’re feeling. It’s not wrong to feel that way, but you must understand where it’s coming from – in order to gain awareness of the situation.

​2. Listen to understand, not to answer or respond.

• If you cannot reflect back the other party’s argument without any biases, you do not fully understand their argument.
• Listen, listen and then listen some more. 

3. Ask open-ended questions.

• Do not ask yes/no questions, ask questions that will give you greater insight.
• Open-ended questions give you an understanding of their framework. 
• Understand to respect and acknowledge their perspective. 

4. Establish clarity.

• Steps 1 – 4 will give you much more clarity as to how the other party is feeling, the situation, and what the “real” conflict is. (There might be a hidden conflict buried deep.) 
• If you and the other party feel there’s more clarity, creative brainstorming will organically occur.  Collaborative work is always a win-win.
• If clarity is not established, continue to ask open-ended questions.

5. Gain commitment.

• Through creative brainstorming and collaborative work, get commitment from both sides on how to move forward when similar conflicts arise.
• Establish expectations and a NEW course of actions for the future.
• Create a go-to game plan for the next "drama!" 

 
 
-VP