My graduate professor at Southern Methodist University, Robert Barner, Ph.D and his wife Charlotte Barner, Ed.D wrote this amazing instrument that I use all the time with my clients. 

This is not a plug and this is not a biased opinion - this book (and it's pretty thick) is basically the Bible for Building Better Teams. No joke!  

​When I’m working with clients (mid-level/senior management leaders and executives), it sometimes seems like an easy answer. More times than none I hear, "I know I know, I'll take a vacation, but I haven't had time."

People assume taking the vacation and disengaging for a little bit will solve all their problems. They will feel refreshed and ready to hit the ground running. While this strategy seems like the plausible answer and will relieve you of some of your stresses, it is not sustainable. So yes, take that vacation, but begin to assess your life's habits and start thinking about living holistically. 

Burnout > Recharge > Burnout > Recharge is NOT the way you should be living. Instead think about your work and personal life as oneself. Start living holistically by meeting all the needs of YOU, first. 

1. Breathing Exercises/Meditation

• Meditation has been a ROCKSTAR for over 5,000 years! It's consistent, it works and if you're not meditating, you're not living.
• Benefits of Meditation from The Art of Living.
• Check Resource Page for breathing apps.
• YouTube has some great guided breathing exercises. Here's one that I like or search for "guided breathing exercises" and pick something that works for you. 

2. Brain Exercises
Most of us unconsciously and naturally lean towards one side of our brain. When it comes to work, we are dependent on what feels "natural."
Depending on your work and lifestyle, our go-to side of the brain is utilized more often.

• Use brain teasers to exercise brain muscles.
• Just as you go to the gym to exercise and build muscle strength, your brain needs exercising too – especially if you are wanting to reach your highest potential and lead at your highest capacity
• Brain Teasers.

3. Health and Wellness

• Your body is your temple – Keep is clean, well fed and in good health. You cannot work your best if you are not working with your best self.
• You’ve heard it time and time again, but it’s the truth - Stay physically active and eat the right food. 
• Apps to Help You Stay Fit and Healthy 
• My favorite app to document food intake and workouts - Myfitnesspal - They also send you great articles and food recipes directly to your email. 

4. Find Your Outlet/Try Something New

• You NEED an outlet. Photography, fishing, crafts, sports leagues, etc. You need something outside of your everyday activities to give your brain and body a rest. 
• Give yourself something that allows you to "refresh" weekly or monthly. 
• Step outside your comfort zone at least once a month and try something new.
• A new adventure will give you increased energy, self-awareness and confidence. 
• 17 Hobbies to Try if You Suck at Hobbies - BuzzFeed
• 9 Out of the Box Activities to Spark Your Creativity - Madamenoire 

5. Develop your Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

• EQ is extremely important and still completely relevant. 
• Developing your EQ will: Improve your relationships at work AND at home, increase work/school performance, and increase your physical/mental health. 
• EQ works with 4 attributes: Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social-Awareness and Relationship Management.
• 6 Ways to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence from Psychology Today 

 On a more personal blog post.... 

​Full disclosure – I absolutely hate social media. For years I have resisted entering the world of social media. I believe it’s a waste of time and I can count of a million other things I could be doing instead of scrolling through a feed like a parasite.
 
It had a purpose
In 2005 I created a Facebook account and during college I think it served its purpose. It was a fun and an innovative way to interact with all the new relationships I built throughout those four years. After college I recall Facebook becoming really damaging… not just for myself, but those around me. It seemed like it was a dependable way to catch cheaters and inauthentic people in the act (I almost felt like a secret agent sometimes), and I’ve lost count of how many people post things about their so-called lives – when their reality is nowhere near what they claim it to be. #FAKERS. In fact, I started noticing myself participating in this virtual world that wasn’t necessarily real for me either.
 

What is Conflict Management?
Conflict Management is a fancy word consultants use to give meaning to your drama in the office. We don’t live in a utopian society; therefore conflict will always exist, especially at work. Most of us spend more time running around the office surrounded by dozens of personalities. It’s inevitable conflict will arise in the office, but what do you do about it? How do you handle it?
Conflicts appear in different forms. A lot of the time we’re trying to manage our self-awareness and biases. When someone doesn’t believe the same thing YOU believe, we go into defense mode or create a resistance towards that person. When working in a team environment, this type of “internal” conflict will damage the team dynamics if not resolved. The team will eventually dismantle and no one will know why, or like most instances, point fingers. 

​Before diving into resolving conflict, you must take the baby steps. First, you need to learn about YOUR style for handling conflict.
 
Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument
The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument is the guru assessment for figuring out your most natural method to manage conflict. The assessment gives you insight into your style of conflict resolution and the best uses for each style. There is no “right” style, but there’s a time and a place to use each style productively and efficiently.
 
Assertiveness vs. Cooperativeness:
Take a moment and consider the disagreements and misunderstandings that have occurred at work. What actions, procedures and processes were taken to resolve the problem? What about the situation was comfortable to you? What was uncomfortable? Do you think your actions were leaning towards Assertiveness or Cooperativeness?
 
Your conflict engagement (or lack of engagement) is divided into two opposing sides. Assertiveness and Cooperativeness; depending on where you land on that scale, you will be able to gain a better understanding of your style and approach to conflict.  

​How to Manage Conflict in the workplace: After completing your baby steps to learn more about YOUR style, let’s practice.
 
Depending on your “go to” method of managing conflict will influence your management style. Learning more about each style will increase your awareness and ability to change your style based on the relationship and issue at stake. Most of us have a style we feel most comfortable using, so when a conflict arises, we will immediately lean into that one style. This could cause damages on so many levels if the situation does not call for that style. 
 

1. Get a grip! Begin to practice self-awareness and self-management.

• How are you feeling in the conflict? Pay attention to those feelings and emotions.
• Ask yourself: Why? Why are you feeling this way?
• Pay attention to your triggers and find space to be mindful of what you’re feeling. It’s not wrong to feel that way, but you must understand where it’s coming from – in order to gain awareness of the situation.

​2. Listen to understand, not to answer or respond.

• If you cannot reflect back the other party’s argument without any biases, you do not fully understand their argument.
• Listen, listen and then listen some more. 

3. Ask open-ended questions.

• Do not ask yes/no questions, ask questions that will give you greater insight.
• Open-ended questions give you an understanding of their framework. 
• Understand to respect and acknowledge their perspective. 

4. Establish clarity.

• Steps 1 – 4 will give you much more clarity as to how the other party is feeling, the situation, and what the “real” conflict is. (There might be a hidden conflict buried deep.) 
• If you and the other party feel there’s more clarity, creative brainstorming will organically occur.  Collaborative work is always a win-win.
• If clarity is not established, continue to ask open-ended questions.

5. Gain commitment.

• Through creative brainstorming and collaborative work, get commitment from both sides on how to move forward when similar conflicts arise.
• Establish expectations and a NEW course of actions for the future.
• Create a go-to game plan for the next "drama!" 

 
 
-VP 

Before we decide to make a change, most of us sit in the very comfortable, reassuring and supportive phase called – DENIAL. For a hot minute we begin to consider our options, with options comes that queasy, uncomfortable sense of, “hell no!” But, WHY??? Why is it so comfortable? 
​
​Leaning on the reasons why NOT to change begins to bring the comfort back. It releases the tension and our state of mind comes back to normal. It is a defense mechanism many of us have become quite good at.  
 
So here we are, living in denial – where it’s tranquil and straightforward.  Our minds are at ease and we are suddenly in a state of calm. It feels safe. Therefore, becoming addicted to the denial phase is easy. It is addicting to turn the other way and say, “maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe next month, maybe next year… just not now”. It’s easy for most of us to sit in denial, creating poor and addicting habits of self-deprivation.
 
Sounds depressing? Well it is. 

​By withholding ourselves to be accountable for our truths and actions, we leave little room to create and achieve success.  It become apparent we have created a commonplace for denial and rather than allowing ourselves to be aware and conscious of our denial, we chalk it up to one-hundred millions reason why NOT to change… because it’s easier. As a society, I believe we’ve become addicted to denying the need for change. In fact, I will so boldly say – we are all talk with little walk!
 
It is easier to live in a space we feel comfortable, but most importantly where no one can harm us. It is natural for us to resist fear, because it’s scary. Change is scary because we do not know the end of the story. What happens on the other side of change? 

Change is scary for many reasons, but mostly it is the fear of the unknown. When we decide to make a change, we are not sure where it is going to lead us. We have an idea of where it might take us, but nothing is ever certain. We can plan and plan and plan and plan, but it is almost certain nothing ever goes as planned. Right? What if there were simple practices to becoming comfortable with change? Practice does not make perfect, because no one is perfect. Practice takes time and commitment. With practice, time, commitment and most importantly bravery, comes an easier, more effective way to change. ​

Fear of the unknown, failing, mistakes, embarrassment, self-doubt, decisions, decisions, and more decisions. ​

 Like Michael Scott, he too wanted to influence, inspire and set the bar for his office colleagues. In fact, I think it’s accurate to give Michael Scott the title, Office Diva. Throughout the entire series of The Office, Michael Scott, although very corky and mostly inappropriate, there was truth, passion, influence and inspiration. All he ever wanted was for his people to be great. He enthusiastically tried to influence his office to become better versions of themselves, and he never gave up.

Divas are not created, they are not born that way, they were influenced by other and strategically developed, and in many cases continually developing. When Wayne Gretzky was famously quoted, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”, I think of these women and of course Michael Scott. They DID NOT hold back, they TOOK THEIR SHOT, and changed the way we think of influence and inspiration. 

Not only were all these Divas able to influence the musical world with their passion, they influenced people to speak and be their truth. So, no, I’m not a “music” Diva, but I’m a Change Diva. My goal is to influence and inspire the people I meet both professionally and personally.  I always ask my clients to dig deep and find their inner Diva.
 
YOU have a “change” Diva inside of you, in fact, everyone does, but what does it take to release it? What challenges have you been facing that keep your soul’s purpose from being released? 

We all have the ability to influence, to inspire and to set the bar. According to the US Department of Labor we spend close to 9 hours on the weekdays working, and in those 9 hours how much of your time is spent influencing and inspiring your colleagues, department or organization? We spend more time at work than at home.

• Are you unleashing your inner diva?
• Are you inspiring others to be great?
• Are you inviting others to the change table?

If the answer is no, it's time to tap on that Diva and release that b*tch! 

Let’s talk about Change for a bit…
 We are constantly changing, whether we recognize it or not. It’s happening to us and around us. Infants to children, adults to senior citizens and everything else in between. That's a lot of change happening through aging alone, and we can't forget about our surroundings - those are constantly changing too. Our educational development, relationships, marriage, children; everything we experience are constant growth episodes. With change come struggles and decisions... and of course the inner Diva! 
 
My goal is to make change seem natural. Normalcy doesn’t seem too drastic when we put it in those terms, right? I want you to feel like change is normal and easy. I want you to truly believe change will be easy to accomplish at work and in your personal life. Think of yourself of the Aretha Franklin of change in the office. R-E-S-P-E-C-T! 

​So, when you’re calling on your inner Change Diva, always remember Aretha, respect those around you, and always respect yourself.

​-VP